A Hard Goodbye.

First of all, I must stress that  I am incredibly thankful for animal transporters.  These truck and trailer teams work long, exhausting hours, driving around the clock.  Besides picking up and dropping off, they stop only for the dogs to be walked and watered, which can take hours in itself.  They work very hard for very little, only for the love of the dogs.  Unfortunately, they often go unrecognized because of their behind the scene role in the process. 

That being said, last night was one of the hardest moments that I have ever experienced in fostering.

I got a call from the rescue team that they would be in Little Rock at 9:15 p.m.  Jonathon and I took Rheagan over to the meeting place, which was a Cracker Barrel parking lot.  There were a few other cars with at least 10 dogs already there when we arrived.  The generator keeping the trailer air conditioned was so loud.  The scene was pretty chaotic.  Rheagan was nervous right away.  As we sat on the curb, watching the other dogs get loaded one by one, she could tell that something was happening.  She was shaking.  When the man came to take her from us, she cowered.  Right in front of me, all of her newly found confidence drained from her body and a look of fear and sadness took over.   She was heart broken.  In her eyes, the only people that she had ever trusted were abandoning her.  Her new home, that she was so happy in, was being taken away. 

I could barely stand to watch as she flailed and struggled as they tried to get her loaded.  It killed me to see her go through that.  I know that she will be fine.  She will arrive at her new home (a suburb of Washington DC) at 2:30 am tonight.  After some adjustment time, she will bounce back.  I understand that.   Dogs, however, live in the moment.  It's one of the many reasons that they are so wonderful and how they can overcome so much.  But, it's also why she has no idea that things will ever be okay again.  I wish I could tell her that they would be.  I wish I could tell her that I was sorry.

Giving up a foster dog is never easy.  In the past, however, our adopters have been close enough that we have met them.  They usually come to our house to pick up their dog.  The dogs are always a bit nervous, but they can feel the excitement in their new family and have always gone happily with little hesitation.  Seeing the joy in the new owners face is so rewarding.  It balances out the sadness.  There was no reward here.  It was just plain painful.

I guess I am being selfish, worrying that after all she experienced in our home, this is how she will remember me, but I can't help it.  It breaks my heart.